"Too much time on my hands"... (like from the Styx song)

While my family was away this last week, I had waaay too much time on my hands and a tons of time to think.  I have found that too much thinking can get this girl in trouble.  Fortunately, this time there was no trouble but it did give me time to ponder about several things.  Usually when I have time alone, I get knee deep in some crazy project like painting my entire house by myself, or reorganizing the garage, but this time, as much as I wanted to do that, I couldn't.  I thought many times about painting some rooms but just the thought of moving all of the furniture gave me pause.  In the famous words of Toby Keith... "I ain't as good as I once was".

Anyone who has known me for more than 5 years will tell you that I used to move furniture as often as I did the laundry.  Actually, it was every time I vacuumed!  I got this annoying habit from my mom.  Many a day, I would come home from school and our house was completely rearranged!  Looking back at it now, I believe that this was her way of accomplishing a couple of things.  It was her therapy session and exercise program all in one!   

Dave has teased me (with a serious undertone)  that I really shouldn't move things around while he's out of town because he might come home and think he's in the wrong house.  He even claims that I did that one time and he tripped over the couch because it wasn't in the same place as when he left.  I'm probably guilty but who can keep track?

Every time I got the urge to paint or move furniture,  my back reminded me of the pain that would ensue if I did.  Needless to say, I and smarter these days and will never do anything to cause that horrible pain again, no matter how limiting that is.  It's kind of like my sunburns.  Once you've been burned so bad that your skin actually blisters, you learn!!  Some of us take longer than others.

Back to thinking too much...After nearly 20 years of babies, diapers, teething, school meetings, PTO, volunteering, car pools, sporting events, cleaning, meal planning and making, etc, Now what?  Oh, I know I'm not done yet, but it's starting to feel like I might get "laid off" at anytime.  There is no retirement plan or gold watch given out for my "retirement".  My reward is that my kids are caring and funny, they know who they are and they know how to be both workers and leaders.  They don't give up when the going gets tough, they are able to look around and seek out those who are in need.  They know what it means to be reliable and self sufficient.  They know that they were born into our family for a reason and they are figuring out what those reasons are.

Here's my dilemma, I've been at my family's beck and call for 20 years, which I truly believe is a blessing but now, for the most part, they are independent with the occasional need. 

Here are two of my concerns:
I don't want to miss anything (I know that my "job" isn't finished), but while they are at school, should I take some classes, should I get a part time job?  What?  I don't want to be put in a position of saying "sorry I can't make it to...I have to work".  Their schedules are so crazy now that during the school year it seems that there is always a game or concert to attend.  There is always something that pops up, scheduled or unscheduled, so I keep myself available for the most part, with rare exception. 

My other concern is that if I dive into something outside of my family, that that thing will become more important than my family.   I've seen it happen many times.  Co-workers become your "family", job or school become your life.  Drama at work can consume your thoughts.  You can get emotionally tied to other people.  Time is no longer your own or your family's.  I think, generally speaking, that men have a greater capacity to compartmentalize these issues and not bring them home, at least Dave is really good at that.  His family is his life, but he has to work to put food on the table and a roof over head. 

Now, this is NOT to say that women can't do this too.  I've seen a few women who seem to be able to balance these things with the most amazing, organized schedules ever!  I am in awe of these women!  Organized is putting it mildly.  I just don't think I am of that caliber to do it that well.  Hey, we all have our limits.

So for now, I'm still not sure what I'll do but I'll figure it out.  For now, I'm just going to enjoy the rest of our summer.