Caution: This is a serious post! Not my usual funny stuff.

I'm not sure where to begin.  This week has given me much to be thankful for.  On Sunday evening, I had just finished cleaning up after dinner and sat down to talk with Dave when there was this pounding at our door.  This was no ordinary pounding.  This was pounding and someone trying to open our door and ringing the door bell.  Thinking that it was some of the YW coming to mess with Amanda, I wasn't in a great hurry to open it.  But as soon as I did I saw my next door neighbor, the mother, begging us to come help.  She was screaming that her baby (8 months old) needed help. 

She was as desperate as desperate could be.  She said he was choking and they didn't know what to do and needed help.  As we ran toward her home, I just couldn't believe this was happening.  It's kind of like a dream.  Dave ran into the house and they showed him where the baby was.  He was laying on the bed, and he was turning blue and totally unresponsive.  Dave put him on the floor and began CPR.  He just kept doing the chest compressions and breathing into his nose & mouth.  

One of other the older kids was on the phone with the dispatcher, but was getting very upset so she handed the phone to me.  I was amazed at how calm I felt as I relayed the information from her to Dave.  He was already doing everything he possibly could but the baby wasn't responding.  At one point he did get the baby to aspirate (throw up) and I thought for second that what ever was in his throat, was going to come out.  But that was not the case. 

This dear mother was frantic and just kept running around the house trying to think of anything that would help.  Then she would walk over to me and just hang onto me and do the most primal scream I've ever heard.  Her baby was dying right in front of us and there wasn't anything she could do.  

The ambulance finally showed up and the EMT's ran out the door with the baby and headed to the hospital.  This was a 20 minute ride with NO oxygen!  When I think about it, I get really ticked off that there where no Paramedics here that could have int-abated him (put a tube down his throat) and given him a better chance.  I know that I was spoiled living in Mesquite where everyone on the fire dept is paramedic but however good EMT's are, they are not allowed to do those life saving techniques. 

When they got to the Payson hospital, they Life Flighted him to Primary Childrens where he received very good medical attention but he went into a comma.  So for 2 days we waited, and fasted, and prayed.

The ward was amazing!  They took the younger kids to play, they brought dinners in, they drove food up to the hospital for mom & dad to eat, they gave rides to the older kids, they kept everyone up to date via email, and held a ward fast.  It was good to see that and to feel the support that was given to the family.  

Being new to the area, I didn't want to stick my nose in and so I just waited and wondered about his progress.  We were thrown into it from the start but I felt like we just needed to stand back and wait.  We had done what we could and at this point we turned it over to Heavenly Father.  You need to understand that we are not close to this family, or any other family here yet.  We are still kind of outsiders and that is an interesting place to be when tragedy strikes.  In my old ward, I would know exactly what to do, who to call, how much was too much etc.  But here, we just don't know yet.  All we knew was that this mother desperately needed our help and the Spirit told her to run to our house that day.  

We got the news yesterday that Baby Asher didn't make it.  He tried to come around but his body too tired and suffered too much damage.  I thought I'd wait for a couple of days before I went over to give my condolences.  How long is long enough?  How soon is too soon?  What does one say to a family that has taken such a blow?  And just because we shared this tragic event together, does that make us more free to "barge" into their lives?  I didn't have the answers to these questions but I got them the next morning.

Today, I when I woke up, it was still dark outside and I was just getting the kids up and moving when there was a knock on the door.  This was not the pounding knock of a couple of days ago.  This was a soft knock.  Like I said, it was still dark outside and the wind was blowing.  I opened the door the see that this same mother was standing on my doorstep, in her bathrobe, sobbing.  I don't know how long she had been walking around outside but she just seemed numb to me.  Not numb from the cold, just numb.  She came into my house and just melted into my arms.  She cried and cried and just held her as tight as I could.  I gave her what I call  a "Sarah" hug.  You see, when Sarah gives you a hug, you know you've been hugged.  It is firm and tight and strong.  I knew that I needed to hold her up with one of those hugs.  We then sat down on the couch and she just talked, sobbed, and talked some more.  And so for the next 2 hours she poured her heart out and left nothing out. 

I should say at this point that I love my kids!  I love them for so many reason but today I love them for knowing that this mother needed me at this point.  I love them for instinctively knowing that Amanda should give Jeffrey a ride to school and let me stay there with her.  I love the compassion that my kids are able to show.  I love that they notice when things are not good and jump into action.  I love that Becca knew that she should get out the door on her own today and I love that Sarah taught me how to give good hugs.  

This mother has the same fears as most mother would have.  She doesn't know if she should bury her son with his favorite blanket or keep it for herself.  She doesn't know if she should wash his bedding yet.  She doesn't know why this happened.  She can't bear the thought of putting her baby into the ground.  She doesn't know if she can be strong for the other kids.  She is questioning if she did everything she could have done.  She was so grateful for a nurse named Mia that was so gentle with Asher's body when she couldn't bare to carry him anymore.  So many thoughts came out and I wondered why she chose me to tell them to.  I still do, except for the fact that I know that one of my gifts is to be a good listener.  That is all she needed this morning.  A good listener and a good, strong hug. 
 
So many emotions have flooded my mind in the last 4 months.  So many thoughts.  Some of them I just have to "put on a shelf" and figure out another day.  This is one of those experiences that I will need to take apart a little at a time.  But one thing I know for sure is that I am blessed beyond measure.  Blessed to know about the big plan of this life.  Blessed to have the family and friends that I have.  Blessed to be able to help, even if it is just listening.  Too many blessing to count, but I will keep trying.
Hug your loved ones today.  In fact...give them a "Sarah hug" today.